Be a Billionaire in Five Minutes

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The other day, I made the case that playing the Lottery was a losing proposition, but I also promised there might be a better way to win a lot of money.

About three years ago, I came across a casino scam, and explained how not to fall victim to it. However, it occurred to me that the Roulette wheel is better odds than the Lottery, and you can play with the same amount of money, $1.

The Lottery has about a 50% payback, which means that over the long term, for every $1 you spend, you get back 50 cents (before taxes). You could restrict your purchases to only those jackpots which exceed 100%, but it already takes thousands of years to win, so there's no point in that.

One day when I was in a casino, I saw the number 12 come up 4 times in a row, and I wondered, if I had put $1 on 12 and let it ride all four times, how much would I have won?

Best Way to Win the Lottery

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As I drive around the country, I've noticed a lot - I mean A LOT - of billboards, and a significant percentage of them devoted to Powerball. With quite a few jackpots reaching 8 digits, it was only natural that I start wondering if maybe I should start investing in lottery tickets.

When I was younger, I occasionally paid attention to the Illinois Lotto, thought of what might be the best strategy to win it. The odds of a single ticket winning were about 56 million to 1, and the average payout was around $28 million, which is half the odds. Checking out Powerball, I see the odds of winning is about 175 million to one and the average payout is about 90 million; again, half.

Why half? Simple, really.

How to Not Waste your Vote

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I see a lot of people screaming, "Don't waste your vote." "A vote for a third party candidate is a vote for the guy I don't like." Yes, both sides are lying (surprise surprise) by saying that voting for real change is a vote for no change. Die-hard Democrats say voting for Gary Johnson or Buddy Roemer is a vote for Romney, and die-hard Republicans say a vote for Johnson or Roemer is a vote for Obama.

It's a lie, of course.

Did you know that this year, we are expecting to see the LOWEST voter turnout EVER? Over 1/3 of eligible voters are expected to not vote at all.

Do you realize that's enough to vote in someone BESIDES a Democrat or Republican?

Of course, there's not enough consensus right now among those people to get anyone else voted in, but there is a better option:

Eleven and Counting

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It's been 11 years today.

I've puzzled for a couple days now what I should say, but I feel like I covered everything last year. What more is there to say? The World Trade Center's replacement is still on schedule. I think it's already the tallest building on the continent.

Life goes on.

As it always does.

Whether we enjoy it or not is a different matter, but at least it's within our power to choose. Choose wisely.

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Can you Compete with Free? Yup.

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The music and movie industries have been belly-aching for YEARS that if they don't sue their own customers when they download music, then the artists will all starve and we will never ever have music or movies again. For a while, they made only crappy movies and music in order to "prove" it; people stopped going to the theaters and concerts, and they blamed this reduction of their obscene profits on what they called piracy. They said, "We can't compete with free."

The computer software industry just groaned and kept right on doing it.

And now there's someone else doing it too.

Truckstops.

Truckstops?

2012 Truck Speed Limits Map

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I've updated my map of truck speed limits for 2012. I find it amazing that no one else posts maps like these to let commercial drivers know in a quick and easy fashion what the speed limits are, and in fact, it's darn near impossible to find this information even in list form.

A couple notes about the map:

I Deserve a Break Today

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Dear McDonald's,

I have loved eating your food for as long as I can remember. My dad worked for you when he was a kid and I did as well. We both have good memories from those times and are glad for the experience. Plus, I find it very flattering that the Double Quarter Pounder was created in homage to the Bigger Mac I invented during my tenure, but it would be nice to get a royalty check or at least a credit on the website which I can use to impress my friends.

Can You Spot the Flaw?

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I'm sure we all remember the 50's, even if we weren't alive for them. Every man had a wife and 5 kids, and every man had a job which could pay for his family's food, shelter, clothes, college, and annual vacation, plus a car in every garage and a chicken in every pot. Nowadays, though, Wifey has to work, and the kids do too, just as soon as they're old enough, and even then the family is still scraping by. And let's not forget that the family size has dropped to 1-2 kids now.

What happened?

When did life shift from being so easy that only 1 mouth in 7 had to work to being so hard that even when every mouth works the family still can't get by? If you take a look at some of the other countries out there, they've got larger family sizes and fewer mouths having to work to feed the family. How did things go so horribly wrong in America?

Still Kickin'

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Yeah, I'm still kickin'! Most of my online activity has been taking place either on my Twitter account or the More In Sanity Facebook page, but I've also posted several interesting things on my personal Facebook page (which you probably can't read all of), or on others' pages.Sign up to be a follower or a liker or a subscriber to keep up with most of my shenanigans. It's worth it, unless you're a hater or a schmuck, but no one who enjoys this site is one of those.

Some of you know I've been driving a truck again for the last few months, which is my excuse for not stopping by here more often; I've definitely been busy. Gotten a little work done on a couple of my stories, came up with a few more (:rolleyes:), and have been working on a business plan for a friend who may be selling some tasty confectionaries in the near future, which she makes now and then for only her favorite friends. (Is it any wonder I can't quit chocolate and sugar?)

I did manage to finish up a piece I'd started writing a few months ago, which will be posted Monday morning, and I may be releasing a few more in the coming weeks, but for the time being, I'm probably not going to be as hot and heavy as I have been in the past. Using Facebook to share my thoughts is SOOOO much easier for both me and my fans who respond that I will probably use it for the bulk of my activities. When time is limited, you have to use it carefully. But this place can still do a lot that Facebook can't, so I won't be changing where the URL points any time soon.

Stay tuned, because in the coming weeks there will be more articles and perhaps even some big changes if certain plans work out. And now to go update my wifi.mopjockey.com page...

Have a good weekend!

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Can I buy your vote for $100?

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You heard right: I want to give you $100 to buy your vote, with no strings attached. You vote for the candidate I tell you to, and I give you a crisp, new $100 bill so you can marvel at Benjamin Franklin's portrait.

Why would I do such a thing?

You've heard, perhaps even uttered the phrase, "I wouldn't do that even if I was paid to." Or perhaps it was, "There's no amount of money you could pay me to do that."

Voting is something which millions of our countrymen have sacrificed everything to allow us to do. There's no voting tax, there's not really much of a qualification to be able to do it, you just have to have the desire to do it. A lot of people, myself included, have been so incensed at what are laughingly referred to as our "choices", and that we are not allowed to vote "None of the Above", that we often simply don't vote as protest. Unfortunately, that doesn't work any better because it only strengthens the voice of those who aren't really smart enough to vote.

In any form of motivation, there is the stick and the carrot; that is, the punishment for not doing right, and the reward for doing right. One without the other often doesn't work, but when both are used, you usually get results. For instance, we personally don't have to make much of a sacrifice to vote; the only stick is that we get no voice at all. What's needed is a carrot, and that's where the $100 comes in. If I give you some money to go vote, you'll go do it, right?

Ten Missing Days

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A year is 365 days long, right? Well, not exactly. Sometimes, like this year, the year is 366 days long. This happens every four years, on years divisible by 4. You already knew that, right?

Did you know that some years which are divisible by 4 are NOT leap years?

A little history will explain:

Pissed Off, then Pissed On

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The other day, someone posted, "I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on."

Someone else pointed out, "This is one of those times when the difference between THEN and THAN is rather important." I hope I don't have to explain it.

Earlier today, I received an invite to a party which was being held to raise money for someone's funeral expenses. The organizer said, "Donations will be excepted."

My reply was, "This is one of those times when the difference between EXCEPTED and ACCEPTED is rather important." Unless, of course, they really did NOT want donations?

You Didn't Exist Five Minutes Ago

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I just thought you might like to know that I created the entire universe about five minutes ago. (Six, considering how long it took you to read to this point.) "Yeah right," you say. See? I made you say that. "What about all my memories?" you ask. Simple: they're not real. I made them up. I created all kinds of little things for you all to discover, such as rings in trees indicating their age, sedimentary layers in the Earth indicating its age, and I even gave you all belly buttons, even though none of you were born. Why? Because that's the world you expect to find.

Why am I telling you this? Because a select few of you - those who are reading this now, in fact - are special beyond measure. I put within you a compulsion to come here right now so you would know the truth about the world in which you live.

Why would I go through the trouble of creating an entire universe and then take no care to ensure my own place at the very top? Who's to say I haven't? But I would like for the rest of the world to think so, and it is not for you or them to question that. Just accept it, and commence to accomplish the secret mission which I have assigned to you. You will find it hiding in your subconscious, not far from where I put the compulsion to come here 8 minutes ago.

I suppose you may wish to see proof I accomplished this feat. I'll provide it, but only as reward if you can prove I didn't do it. Remember, I made everything, including your memories. You have not actually done anything you remember doing; it's all an implanted memory to give you the illusion of free will.

Be good, convert the masses, and praise me once in a while, huh? I'll be watching.

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Why don't they just Occupy Washington?

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By now you're aware that I'm the mastermind behind the Occupy Movement. I've agitated for years about unfairness and hypocrisy, especially when it comes from the people who are supposed to be running the country, until finally someone even braver than myself decided to go Occupy Wall Street and brought all his newly homeless friends with him. The movement spread all over the country, to every major city, until today we have people who are tired of the protests whining, "Why don't they just go Occupy Washington DC? Why does it have to be all over the country?"

This, of course, shows a frightening unwillingness to think without the TV news providing their opinion for them (followed up by denial of such).

Why don't the millions of Americans who are fed up with money polluting politics and the growing boldness with which the country is raped just go march on Washington DC? Simple, really.

Mandatory Driver Education

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As a friend drove me somewhere the other day, I noticed that she didn't know how to drive properly. This person used to be an accident investigator for the US Postal Service; she knew just about everything there was to know about trucks without having driven one, and yet, she was driving very discourteously around them as well as other cars. I was surprised to see her blocking up traffic, riding bumpers, riding catacorner to people in their blind spots at highway speeds (what I call "clipping"), and using an inconsistent speed which meant she got in everyone's way.

Of course, she's hardly the only offender. I constantly see people driving like they're idiots, getting in my way, and otherwise flirting with disaster. Thank God I'm a better driver than almost anyone! I have evaded being in several accidents in the past 20-some years since I've had a license, and so I thought I'd offer a few driving tips so you can learn them and then lord them over your buddies the way kids nag their parents to wear their seatbelts.

After I castigated her, I wrote these 8 Simple Rules for Driving on my Road:

Fearmongering Scientists

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You know how, later this year, the world is going to end on December 21, 2012? Today between 11:00 and 12:00 I heard Astronomer Phil Plait on WHYY internet radio trying to convince us all that it's just not true.

First, he used flimsy arguments to dismiss the arrival of the planet Nibiru, AKA Planet X, which will collide with Earth on that fateful day. According to Dr. Plait, any planet bound by the Sun's gravity (he doesn't explicitly say this, but it's what he meant) which was going to collide with Earth within the next year would be near the orbit of Mars and because of its size (4 times that of Earth) it would be brighter in the sky than Jupiter, which at the moment is easily visible near the moon as a very bright star. He further asserts that such a massive object would have disrupted the orbits of Earth, Mars, and other planets by now with its gravity, something which he says isn't happening.

However, Plait plainly has no idea what he's talking about!

Hello? Reality calling Dr. Phil? Aren't you forgetting something rather important?